Wednesdays with Darla

I had been sitting in that room every Wednesday for over a year and every time I went to say it my throat would swell up, trapping the words. Part of me was afraid to be honest, with her and myself. Part of me needed to keep hiding behind all my walls and masks. They had been so meticulously created with lies and denile - Who was I without them? A stronger part of me needed to speak my truth. The anxiety of hiding was eating me up, not letting me sleep.

On a unseasonally warm October day I found the courage and let the words spill out.

“I am an alcoholic.”

My counselor looked at me, confused. For months she had been helping me work through some ugly trauma and at the end of our sessions, the REALLY tough ones, she would tell me to go buy a bottle of wine, to help me unwind and sleep.

When the moment passed she looked at me and said “This is a great reason for you to finally go to the Friendship Center. AA meetings are held every Wednesday followed by a community event.”

My first meeting, I sat in a chair beside a woman who was pure compassion. All I could do was weep.

Finally I was with my people. Finally I was admitting my darkest secret. Finally I was ready to start healing.